I sit sometimes and listen to her play. I watch the curiosity in her eyes as she explores a fresh look at an old toy. I stare at her sweetly and smile when she sings songs to herself in the most out of key little toddler voice. I marvel at her mind and at her wit, her already sarcastic and sassy character on top of a loving and innocent little spirit. I giggle at her attempts to be "mommy" to her dolls and stuffed items, pointing and scolding, rocking them and loving them. I'm truly baffled at her increasing knowledge. She'll be two on Sunday. I can't believe how quickly time has passed and I'm certain college will be here long before I'm ready. I look forward to continue watching her grow and learn, but I am also content with today. I cherish all moments. Even during the wretched tantrums when I'm ready to pull out every strand of hair God has placed on my head, I'm simultaneously thinking about how each of these 'episodes' will make for a few laughs later on in her life. For now I move on from exciting fit to precious moments. I want so much to enjoy my little girl with the realization that we cannot get our pasts back. I want to continue my proud parent streak as each day passes by feeling as though I missed nothing and enjoyed every bit of her childhood. I want to make sure I appreciate the tender years the Lord has blessed me with. This amazing treasure, Autumn Noel, my gift from the Lord above, has brought me unmistakable delight. She has brought my life new meaning. She has brought meaning to life in general. I am so proud to have gone from Joyce, to "Autumn's Mom." My identity not taken away, but in fact given more definition. An extra chapter added to my story. The "happily ever after" portion. Happily ever after. That sounds nice.
There was a time I didn't think happy was in the stars for me. But in the last year alone I have found that happy is a choice. Change the things you can and accept what you cannot. Since the birth of my glorious child I have experienced loss, deep sadness, medical mysteries... But I have also experienced true joy, love, and answers to prayers that I have prayed for years. God himself has shown me what he is capable of. I hope that I can show these truths to my daughter. That she can grow up not blind or naive to pain, but aware of it and aware of her choices when faced with it. I'm refreshed in my spirit, in my soul. I'm excited for the days to come. Whatever they may be.
There was a time I didn't think happy was in the stars for me. But in the last year alone I have found that happy is a choice. Change the things you can and accept what you cannot. Since the birth of my glorious child I have experienced loss, deep sadness, medical mysteries... But I have also experienced true joy, love, and answers to prayers that I have prayed for years. God himself has shown me what he is capable of. I hope that I can show these truths to my daughter. That she can grow up not blind or naive to pain, but aware of it and aware of her choices when faced with it. I'm refreshed in my spirit, in my soul. I'm excited for the days to come. Whatever they may be.
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